The Two Faces of Lefty

The only thing worse than a liar is a liar that's also a hypocrite! -- Tennessee Williams

Lefty has unique anatomical features. He has at least two faces. None of his faces are very attractive.

I mentioned that Lefty has little man syndrome. He is our acting CEO. He insists that the staff call him "Mister". He is never wrong. He is quick to anger. He has an ego the size of the Titanic. He thinks that there is only his way. He is both a jerk and an idiot and he is also a liar.

It is interesting that Lefty calls himself a church goer and a Christian. He never actually goes to church -- he sends the wife to do the family praying. His kids get bundled off to church as well. Lefty thinks that he has a ticket to heaven.

When it comes to management, Lefty is a micro-manager. I have seen him spend most of the afternoon arranging the office when new furnishing came in. He calls two hour staff meetings (I don't attend), and pontificates on how smart he is and how the world will unfold according to himself.

He also micro-harasses the women. It is just a shade short of sexual harassment, but never overtly crosses the line. You see, Lefty is a Christian. When it comes to El Presidente, it is full sexual harassment. When he makes his grand entrance into the office, the gives all of the women little neck rubs -supposedly to alleviate the tension.

Lefty is under fire. Mr. Muckety Muck the Chairman actually knows a thing or two about business, and is hammering Lefty for a project plan for the new product launch which will bring some revenue to the company. Lefty has gone to say that through his twenty five year career he has seen business plans and they are just paper. He doesn't believe in them. He doesn't believe in project plans, launch plans, or any kind of planning at all. He runs the company out of his hip pocket. This is dangerous when you are Chief Financial Officer as well. However, he has the full unwarranted confidence of El Presidente, because he has sort of saved the presidents butt on two occasions and prevented huge monetary losses. El Presidente is used to losing money in a big way.

But speaking of the president, even he is anxious to get the company revved up so that he can brag to his business cohorts on how successful the company is. El Presidente is easily impressed by new faces and shiny objects. Therefore when his cousin introduced a Arab, Mr. Metro Slick, who works at one of the Big Three accounting firms as a consultant, El Presidente jumped all over him to come in and assess why we can't launch products. Never mind that his cousin eventually dumped Mr. Metro Slick. Usually women are good judges of men, and I trust their judgments. I will describe Mr. Metro Slick's entrance in another entry, but for the sake of brevity, let's just say that Mr. Metro Slick lit a fire under the Board of Director's asses to see some plans. Lefty was in a jam, because the man who didn't believe in plans now had to produce some.

The telephone in my office rang this morning. It was Lefty. He was all collegial and friendly. He asked me how I was doing. He was blissfully unaware that yesterday he was telling lies about me to El Presidente. Someone once said that the definition of evil is having no conscience. I know that Lefty doesn't have a conscience, but I don't know if he is just evil or doesn't have enough brain circuits for a conscience.

Lefty tell me that the project plan and gantt chart that I drew up was too complicated. He was playing up a folksy "aw shucks" routine where he had jotted down some points and milestones about the next launch, and wanted me to go over it and see if he missed anything. I knew what he would do. He would take it to the board meeting and present it all as his work.

Immediately, I was faced with a dilemma. Do I help him out? Remember, this is a secret war. I have to appear that I am on side. I have to let on that I am a team player. I came up with a plan. My project plan had items from his purview and my purview. I would make sure that all of my items were correctly detailed, but I wouldn't help him with his. I am going to let something get past him and let him get roasted by the board of directors.

I have to tread a fine line, because I can't do the company harm. I have to make him get egg on his face, but actually make sure that critical items get done for the launch. It is a nerve wracking, high stakes game. But it was interesting to see the two faces of Lefty today.